Today after nearly 6 months of waiting, seeing many doctors, undergoing x rays, blood draws and countless hours of worry I am finally seeing a specialist about the lump I found last November. I am not sure it’s the right specialist, but we’ll find out.
The more and more I think of it the more I think it was just coincidence that I found the lump while fighting off a secondary infection related to H1N1. I recall asking a doctor about a lymph node under my jaw over a year ago, but got brushed off then. Between life and kids I pushed it to the back of my mind and went with the doctors assessment that it was just because I had been ill recently. It never really did get smaller, but neither did it get bigger. I checked it often in the shower.
Now to me at least it seems as if I am always fighting off something, a summer cold, the winter sniffles or a bit of a cough. So having a slightly swollen lymph node would never go away. It’s part of the joys of having so many kids, they bring home everything. It’s been easy to lie to myself about it and not worry.
This time I can’t ignore it though. The lump has definitely increased in size. It used to be that I kind of had to feel around for it and now you can see it if you are facing me. It’s just big enough to make a hill on my lower neck. Since November I have been telling doctors that it feels as if it’s got fingers going along my armpit into my breast tissue too. They have no explanations for this nor has anyone really commented on that fact. I guess it’s normal for me to have a burning sensation there? Blame the Bras? My antiperspirant? Even my Chiropractor said that after an infection it’s normal for the lymphatic system to respond in this way. He has tried adjustments to relax the muscles and ultrasound to reduce swelling in the hopes of getting the lymph cleared.
I don’t think I was THAT sick though and if it’s infection the 6 days I spent on heavy duty antibiotics should have killed anything. I think I had 3 different ones at one point. Also the blood test back in November/December came back clear but we all know that sometime malicious things like to hide, plus it was a small lump at that point. The second visit to the clinic because my neck muscle had seized resulted in another round of it’s normal, it takes time and come back if it’s still there in a few months. Well I went back but this time to the ER hoping for some action and through doctor negligence I am still waiting. *sigh*
I guess at this point I am hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. I could use all the thoughts and prayers you can spare. Yes I googled, yes I know I shouldn’t have done it. I had to get an idea of what I could be facing though. Good news and I can forget the whole thing but I would regret it if it was bad news and I hadn’t prepared myself. My new mantra is :
I need to have faith that what I need will be provided and if I am meant to walk down a hard road it is only to learn and not a punishment.
Bad things have always ended up bringing me some of the greatest gifts in my life and I am hoping that the same holds true this time.
Would you have been able to stay off google?